I was able to articulate a clear need to my husband recently. I told him that a part of the garden that I am needs more water in a particular way. I need to be cheered, believed in, and fully supported without being fixed, improved, critiqued, or directed. I need to know that he fully believes in my ability to handle life and that he is able to reflect it back to me.
We often assume that meeting our needs is our responsibility. It is and it is much more than that. It is about your awareness to know what you need in the first place and articulate it in the right way to the right and safe person who is ready, willing, and able to provide that support to meet your need.
The other mistake we do is asking people who are desert-lands to water the neglected parts of our garden. People and family members in your life who haven’t dealt or willingly and currently are dealing with their own trauma can not and will not be able to meet your needs. This was a hard lesson that I had to learn and accept. The desert-people in your life have one purpose only: to remind you of taking the responsibility of meeting your own needs.
Here’s another thing: you cannot heal desert-people unless they decide to heal. It is not your responsibility to water an endless desert that won’t ever be satisfied or bloom. Moving towards the water, the love, the nourishment needs to come from deep within them. You cannot force, coerce, or persuade them to move towards meeting their needs.
Your willingness to water your own garden will mean that you are available to be a resource for others in your life. The parts of your garden that remain thirsty dictates how you show up for yourself and others. Plain and simple. When and if the people in your life decide to get your support, you’ll be ready. Your re-sourced self will be a vibrational invitation to healing for everyone around you without you needing to do anything for them. And for the people you need to care for, like your children, you get to empower them with becoming aware of and voicing their own needs to you or others. And when they do, you need to commit to listening to them without any assumptions or judgement.
Here’s an invitation for you: find a time and a place to be with yourself, hold your hand on your heart, and feel, really feel, into what it is that you most need at this time. Here’s a brief and to-the-point meditation to help you do just that.
With love,
Damla
P. S. What I am loving these days:
This video, all day everyday
This amazing smoothie and this one too!