I have a deeply personal thing to share with you. Are you ready? Here it goes: my English is not perfect. I grew up in Turkey and Turkish is my mother tongue. In case you have been wondering what it is you hear differently when I speak, I have a Turkish accent. I started to learn English in 6th grade or middle school in Turkey when I was 12 years old. I moved to the US for my MBA in 2002 and have been living here ever since.
Here’s what you need to understand about someone who speaks English or any other language as their second language and especially if they learned it later in life: my English goes out the door when I am tired, when it is the evening, when I get stressed, when I am overwhelmed, when I am sad, etc. Having grown up in Turkey and studied there until the end of college, I count in my mind in Turkish, I mostly dream in Turkish, I curse in Turkish, I measure things metrically in my mind and Turkish is my default language. That said, I also have successfully navigated grad school, working in the corporate world, changing careers and building my own business from scratch through my seemingly imperfect English.
Here’s what I know: I know that some of you listen to me and cringe. You talk to me and you want to immediately put words into my mouth and correct me, or you find yourself editing my words as you read them. I know that this is also how you treat yourself. Nothing is ever good enough. So my heart goes out to you.
I also want you to know that I have some of that self-doubt virus that you have, in me. I find myself reading, re-reading and editing every piece of Facebook post, blog post, email or written material that I write a gazillion times. I had to stop myself from re-recording a 45-minute beautifully recorded meditation because I stumbled on a single word. So I am right there with you judging and criticizing myself.
I once had to leave a creative writing group because they thought my writing was something I should be embarrassed about submitting to the group to be read. What they didn’t know and understand was I had read, re-read and rewritten that piece to the best of my ability a thousand times. My husband once said to me when a corporate employer complained about my accent ‘They should be grateful that they get you in the way that you are with all your gifts.’
Our household is bilingual that means that every single day my brain is firing a whole lot more than a single language speaker. I am deeply creative not only because it is my passion but also because I can think and dream in a completely different language than almost everyone around me and I can bring the gifts of those dreams into my life and work. In addition to English, I also speak a decent amount of German and have even written a graduate thesis in German. I am currently learning Spanish for the pure joy of getting to understand a whole new worldview.
Here’s what I also know: while I work through my mind viruses of ‘I am not good enough’, ‘this is garbage’, ‘who am I to give any advice or write this’, they are not going to stop me from putting what comes through me out there for you. I will keep recording videos, courses, I will keep offering workshops, I will keep working on inspiring you for self-healing and healing with every tool that I have (including my English skills) and at every chance that I get.
The energy and vibration speak louder than words. When I look back at all that I have created and will create I know that what matters most is my willingness to be vulnerable, having a pure intention of healing others and letting those energies speak in the tone of my voice and writing, rather than with the perfection of my punctuation or the accurateness of my grammar.
I want you to sit with this and ask yourself. When do you judge others without knowing who they are and their full story? When do you judge yourself? And if you wish to experience how it feels to be a fish in a sea you weren’t born into, I invite you to try learning a new language to enhance your brain activity and get humbled.
With love and lots of gratitude for you for continuing to listen, watch, read and follow and absorb the energetic contents of my work and for making healing your energetic wounds a priority.
Damla